Monday, September 25, 2006

Judgement

I hate how I get into a bus and people stare at me as if I should be ashamed of being a young mom or a single mom. Apparently I'm a plague now. Restaurants, coffee shops, libraries, malls ... Everywhere I go, I get stares, or people move away from us. And no, I am not paranoid, you'd noticed too. Even the people I am with, noticed the stares. Why is everyone so judgemental? Am I a bad person for wanting to keep my child and raise her on my own (not literally, but they don't know that)?
Is being a single mother, really that bad? Heck no! It's a blessing, it's grateful. My daughter will thank me in the future for giving her life, rather than murdering her before she had a heartbeat ...

Not only that, but it's also bad when you are in debt. I know it will get better next month, but for now, things are going down hill. I don't have enough to feed myself or pay my flippin' bills. Maybe I shouldn't have quit my job. My daughter's expenses take over, but I can't help it (she is more important, duh!). At least she is fed and clothed properly. Oh well, at least I will lose more weight (that's pathetic to even mention)

Once again, I am being harsh on myself. Why does this keep happening? I feel like I'm not doing anything that's good enough for anyone. Everything I do, I feel like I will fail, and no one has hope or faith in me. This sucks (very immature to say, but tells it all)

I know I'm going to be okay ... I know He is always there .. things will go up again

Monday, September 18, 2006

My Chile's Independence Day



Today is my country's independence day. I just talked to my cousin Pablo, and they are having an "asado" (bbq), making "empanadas", drinking "chicha" (chilean beverage) and dancing to "cuecas" (traditional chilean dance) ... Gosh, I miss my country so badly....

Chilean traditional music
Chilean traditional beverages
La Cueca

....Im home sick now ... :-(

The cold is here

This morning I woke up not wanting to get out from under the warm covers ... Naima was already out of the bed and calmly turned on the TV to watch her shows (yep, she gets up on her own and goes directly to the tv to watch Dora)
We looked out our window and saw this:


Yay for cold weather! I love the cold rainy days. I love the warm blankets, a nice cup of coffee to warm my tummy and my daughter, cuddling and cozying...

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Sensational News

...I HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED AT AVEDA INSTITUTE!...

At 2:30pm , Shelly, the administrative of the school called me and announced that I have been accepted at the school.
I am a student! A student who is on her way to obtain her childhood career!

Eeeeeek!! *waving arms profusely*

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Ramble 004

My depression came back to haunt me once again. I am sad, angry, overwhelmed, missed and feeling so low that I can't see above me ... Everything is blurry again...I can't see Him, did You forget me?

I have been crying for a day and a half, and I still can't stop these tears from hurting me so much. My heart aches, my mind is losing it. I hate bawling. I just don't want to feel like this anymore, I want it to go away, and never come back.... I feel like a part of me died, I feel empty.
Everything is falling apart again ...

At least, He is protecting my daughter from this feeling. He hasn't forgotten her ...



**EDIT: Just when I think He's gone ... He comes right back when I call Him ...

You didn't forget me ...


*[thank you so much Carrie]

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Not in his storm - by me


I see the clouds rolling in and oh how it looks like rain
And it is always I fight for the welcome change
When it rains it pours on this heart of mine
So, I take the storms I feel to him each time.
• • • • •
But I know he has lived under his own pouring rain
Yet under his water his heart still doesn't change
He can walk away from what hangs overhead
And, not in his storm, are words left unsaid.
• • • • •
Not in his storm have I ever felt alone
His storm ends, so I, may find my way home
It's for me that he pushes away his own rain
So, that I may find comfort in calling his name.
• • • • •
He lives in this world for the sake of another's heart
God, how he eases the miles when worlds apart
And he never wanders when your world falls through
Not ever in his storm would he do this to you.
• • • • •
He has wings that I know not only I can see
Cause only an angel could find strength to carry me
It's the way that the eyes can surely view
How his heart's written so clearly in what an angel can do.
• • • • •
Not in his storm is his work ever done
And even in his storm he hands me the sun
When his world is dark - I will always have light
And now how I hold the new color of night.
• • • • •
He takes then he gives to an unhappy face
So that many can find an awesome place
I have been able to care for him more every day
And when his hand in mine the clouds roll away.
• • • • •
Not in any storm that I will ever live beneath
Could ever change what I hold here inside of me
Not in any of his storms have I lost my angels touch
To that angel out there, I care for so much.
• • • • •


• • • • •

Monday, September 04, 2006

You think you know, but you have no idea

Just a little something I have been pondering about lately, I thought I would share this information:

The world wide web was set up by Vinton Cerf and Robert Kahn in the 1970’s as a means of communication, and it’s a fantastic means of getting in touch with friends and family, and meeting new people. There’s loads of ways to do this online, including IM, chat rooms, through online telephones, gaming, file-sharing sites and through blogs.

It’s pretty basic stuff – but when online, if you don’t know someone in the real world, then it’s a good idea not to share any personal information that you wouldn’t give to a stranger in the street.
This counts, even if you’ve known someone for ages through a chat site, from a friend on messenger or from a gaming area.If you’re going to make your space or blog public – think through carefully what kind of info about yourself you want to share. It’s easy to forget that once you publish a picture of yourself – you’ve lost control of it, and that anyone can change it and share it without your permission.

Unfortunately, it’s easy to lie online, and there are some adults who will try to get in touch with young people and children because they have bad intentions. It’s good to know that it’s not a great idea to meet up with someone you’ve only met on the net, even if you’ve seen a photo, or viewed them on webcam –these images can be faked ...


source: http://www.thinkuknow.co.uk



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On another topic. I have recently made a research through one of my friends list, and this "person" has created a myspace profile claiming he is Him ... I am not pleased about that. I don't know wether to let it slide or give him a good piece of my mind ... It bothers me, or am I just being stupid, should I join the other ignorant people commenting stating that I have pray to this 'subject' for certain things and "He" didn't respond to them?? I am disgusted and really ticked off. People are just not well up in the head. I mean, do these people remember their own name? I doubt they are able to figure out, because they might actually have to use their last brain cell to comprehend that profile. What a disappointment.

Source: http://myspace.com/yeshuasom

"This world is advancing in many ways, but in other ways, civilization is really going backwards. " - Carrie Braun