Oh look, an update ...
Yes, I figured it was about time I'd give a proper update.
I'm not even sure where to begin ... not that it's a bad thing.
Well, for one, I froze school (in which, I go back on March 3rd) due to issues with caregiver. I couldn't find a daycare for weeks, and so I missed all allowed hours + she got a really bad flu, which was conjoined with teething. Worst week ever. Fever going up and down, for days, 2 trips to the hospital. I hate seeing her sick, let alone, not being able to make her feel better. Our nights were long, she never left my arms.
She's doing great now. Growing fast, her vocabulary (understanding) is increasing:
-"hi"
-"bubye"
-"momy"
-"daddy"
-"look"
-"okay"
-"up up"
-"doggie"
-"baby"
-"bird"
-"kitty"
-"no"
-"yes"
And lately, I'd put her to down for the night in her bed. Come back, and find her asleep in mine ...
Mid January, was a sad day for me.
I was forced to moved out and back in with my parents. Which meant, getting rid of so much 'junk' - I cried. Not because of moving, but because I felt like I failed again, I failed Naima as a mother, I failed my parents as a daughter, I failed. I felt so guilty, ashamed, and crappy because I had to move back in with my parents, I guess I wasn't ready to be on my own again, yet. I am so grateful to have them. They were there when I needed them the most. I don't know what I would have done without them.
Ie: Naima throws a fit because I won't let her eat sweets before dinner. She throws herself to the floor and screams. My option: talk to her firmly to stop, and explain to her why she can't have sweets. My parents option: Run to her and "baby" her, then give her sweets.
What I'm afraid of, is when she is old enough to understand and says to me: "But grandma lets me" - it's one thing to spoil, it's another letting me be the mother of my child. All I ask is, if they want to give her something - "Let's ask mommy if you can have this ... "
I'm not asking much. I'm not saying "No, you can't spoil her!" That's what grandparents are for! But in my case, it's different, we live together, and they should be helping me, not making me look like the bad guy.
====================================
These days, Naima and I are just enjoying mother and daughter moments. The weather is helping a bit. Sunny days to come along and more fun outdoors.
I'm glad I now live in the suburban area of the city, only because, more playgrounds near by!!
Best time ever!! Especially at her age, where all they want is run around, be crazy and scream at the top of their lungs, I love this part! I am so eager for spring/summer season. Numerous trips to the playground, walks, beaches, sandcastle building etc. This year is going to be sooo much fun and I cannot wait to cherish them.
I'm not even sure where to begin ... not that it's a bad thing.
Well, for one, I froze school (in which, I go back on March 3rd) due to issues with caregiver. I couldn't find a daycare for weeks, and so I missed all allowed hours + she got a really bad flu, which was conjoined with teething. Worst week ever. Fever going up and down, for days, 2 trips to the hospital. I hate seeing her sick, let alone, not being able to make her feel better. Our nights were long, she never left my arms.
She's doing great now. Growing fast, her vocabulary (understanding) is increasing:
-"hi"
-"bubye"
-"momy"
-"daddy"
-"look"
-"okay"
-"up up"
-"doggie"
-"baby"
-"bird"
-"kitty"
-"no"
-"yes"
And lately, I'd put her to down for the night in her bed. Come back, and find her asleep in mine ...
====================================
Mid January, was a sad day for me.
I was forced to moved out and back in with my parents. Which meant, getting rid of so much 'junk' - I cried. Not because of moving, but because I felt like I failed again, I failed Naima as a mother, I failed my parents as a daughter, I failed. I felt so guilty, ashamed, and crappy because I had to move back in with my parents, I guess I wasn't ready to be on my own again, yet. I am so grateful to have them. They were there when I needed them the most. I don't know what I would have done without them.
====================================
It's been 2 weeks now. Adapting to living back at 'home' is slowly getting into place. There challenges between my parents and the ways in which I choose to raise Naima. I don't mind them spoiling her. It's just more difficult since we live in the same roof. I can only tolerate it to a certain extent.Ie: Naima throws a fit because I won't let her eat sweets before dinner. She throws herself to the floor and screams. My option: talk to her firmly to stop, and explain to her why she can't have sweets. My parents option: Run to her and "baby" her, then give her sweets.
What I'm afraid of, is when she is old enough to understand and says to me: "But grandma lets me" - it's one thing to spoil, it's another letting me be the mother of my child. All I ask is, if they want to give her something - "Let's ask mommy if you can have this ... "
I'm not asking much. I'm not saying "No, you can't spoil her!" That's what grandparents are for! But in my case, it's different, we live together, and they should be helping me, not making me look like the bad guy.
====================================
These days, Naima and I are just enjoying mother and daughter moments. The weather is helping a bit. Sunny days to come along and more fun outdoors.
I'm glad I now live in the suburban area of the city, only because, more playgrounds near by!!
Best time ever!! Especially at her age, where all they want is run around, be crazy and scream at the top of their lungs, I love this part! I am so eager for spring/summer season. Numerous trips to the playground, walks, beaches, sandcastle building etc. This year is going to be sooo much fun and I cannot wait to cherish them.
Thanks for the update. Obviously you have lots of stuff happening.
It must have been tough that you had to give up your apartment, and put your schooling on hold. There is always a reason for it even if you don't understand at this moment. I hope you will be able to find a happy medium between you and your parents and how you wish to raise Naima. It is also nice to hear that you have someone in your life, who makes you happy!!
Thanks for the pics and the update. You are always in my thoughts and prayers.
Posted by
Carol |
Wed Jan 31, 07:18:00 p.m. 2007
Aw, i love this post.
You are not a failure Claudia. You work hard and put in everything you have for that little girl. You are an awesome parent :D Lub Ya
Gouda
Posted by
Carlie |
Wed Jan 31, 09:17:00 p.m. 2007
Hey - don't feel too bad. Peter and I have lived with our parents four months of our married lives. Yep. I know you love your little girl, and that that matters more to her than where you happen to live. I hope your relationship turns out to be everything you've ever dreamed of.
Posted by
Anonymous |
Wed Jan 31, 10:49:00 p.m. 2007
Yeah, it sure is about time!! :D I love the pictures. The one of Naima sleeping... I love how kids sleep.
I know it's hard not to feel that way, but you're not a failure. I remember feeling the same way when I moved back in with my parents... twice. I really hope that everything works out great, with school, Luc, and at home.
Posted by
Anonymous |
Sat Feb 03, 10:19:00 a.m. 2007
Sorry to hear that you had to move. It's always hard to move back home once you've been on your own. I totally agree with the parenting thing. You are her mother and that comes first. I am also now a grandparent now and I do have a totally different perspective on parenting than I did when my kids were little. We do learn a few things along the way but going against a parents wishes is not good. Hope it all works out for you. You are not a failure though for moving home. It's not like you didn't give it your best shot. You did. And you are a wonderful mother regardless of where you live.
Posted by
footsack |
Wed Feb 07, 06:47:00 a.m. 2007
I can't get over how lucky I am. You guys been behind me from day one. I miss you all. Naima and I will have to come and visit soon. Thank you so much for your comments.
Posted by
Claudia |
Mon Feb 12, 06:37:00 p.m. 2007