Saturday, April 21, 2007
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Thursday, March 01, 2007
The Secret
I just finished watching this film I purchased after I saw it on Oprah last week. It's called The Secret and it has truly changed the way I want to live my life.
I strongly recommend you to watch it. For those who live near me, we can definetely arrange a "movie night" and watch this together. I certainly would love to watch with others and hear what they think about it.
In regards to living my life, my mentality has changed amazingly. While I was watching it, I felt this energy go right through me like lightning. I had to shake my head to realize what I was feeling.
_______________________________
This is what I want:
- I want to enjoy everyday with my daughter
- I want to win the lottery ( I won't lie)
- I want to give my parents the home they deserve
- I want to own my home
- I want my daughter to have her pet
- I want to own my business (own salon/photography studio)
- I want to have a loving and respectful relationship
- I want my dream car
- I WILL live my life the way I always dreamed of!!!
________________________________
I am grateful for:
- Being born into this family
- Giving my daughter a chance to live her life and being her guidance.
- The support my parents never stop giving me
- The closeness I have with my 3 younger siblings
- The family and friends I have all over the world, for their support, help and prayers.
- Gavin, for being the father my daughter deserves and giving me support.
- People I have never met in person, telling me their life experiences and advice from their experiences. Learning about and of them. Letting me be in their lives.
- A chance to better myself, improve my well-being for my own sake, and my daughter's.
_________________________________
What I am going to do:
- Wake up every morning with a smile and start a good day
- Clean up myself (look in the mirror and say what I love about me, no more negative comments)
- Tell everyone I care about that I love them
- Enjoy life, family and friends, nature, my universe
- Focus on what I want, not on what I don't want.
- Focus on what I wish to experience.
I strongly recommend you to watch it. For those who live near me, we can definetely arrange a "movie night" and watch this together. I certainly would love to watch with others and hear what they think about it.
In regards to living my life, my mentality has changed amazingly. While I was watching it, I felt this energy go right through me like lightning. I had to shake my head to realize what I was feeling.
_______________________________
This is what I want:
- I want to enjoy everyday with my daughter
- I want to win the lottery ( I won't lie)
- I want to give my parents the home they deserve
- I want to own my home
- I want my daughter to have her pet
- I want to own my business (own salon/photography studio)
- I want to have a loving and respectful relationship
- I want my dream car
- I WILL live my life the way I always dreamed of!!!
________________________________
I am grateful for:
- Being born into this family
- Giving my daughter a chance to live her life and being her guidance.
- The support my parents never stop giving me
- The closeness I have with my 3 younger siblings
- The family and friends I have all over the world, for their support, help and prayers.
- Gavin, for being the father my daughter deserves and giving me support.
- People I have never met in person, telling me their life experiences and advice from their experiences. Learning about and of them. Letting me be in their lives.
- A chance to better myself, improve my well-being for my own sake, and my daughter's.
_________________________________
What I am going to do:
- Wake up every morning with a smile and start a good day
- Clean up myself (look in the mirror and say what I love about me, no more negative comments)
- Tell everyone I care about that I love them
- Enjoy life, family and friends, nature, my universe
- Focus on what I want, not on what I don't want.
- Focus on what I wish to experience.
MY JOY LIES WITHIN ME
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Here we go again
Today I got the worse phone call.
Naima's daycare provider called me, and said that they are full and have no space until mid April. What am I going to do now? I'm suppost to start school this Saturday. I have missed all my allowed hours. I already paid full tuition for the entire program. I literally have no one to care for her.
I am totally taking all of this as a sign. It's one problem after another. I have some hard decisions to make. I'm going to have to sleep on it.
I wouldn't mind waiting a few more years to go back to school. I guess I did rush in to finish my education and really didn't think about Naima's sake or really looked into daycares. I don't want to miss out in her life. This summer/spring will be more fun than last year. I always thought that I would hate myself to not have the time to take her to the beach or be the fun mom that I want her to have, running from the waves, building sand castles, going to the playgrounds.
At least, living with my parents, I don't have to worry about bills, or rent. Though I do help to get groceries, clean the house, make meals.
I'm confused again, I'm lost again.
Naima's daycare provider called me, and said that they are full and have no space until mid April. What am I going to do now? I'm suppost to start school this Saturday. I have missed all my allowed hours. I already paid full tuition for the entire program. I literally have no one to care for her.
I am totally taking all of this as a sign. It's one problem after another. I have some hard decisions to make. I'm going to have to sleep on it.
I wouldn't mind waiting a few more years to go back to school. I guess I did rush in to finish my education and really didn't think about Naima's sake or really looked into daycares. I don't want to miss out in her life. This summer/spring will be more fun than last year. I always thought that I would hate myself to not have the time to take her to the beach or be the fun mom that I want her to have, running from the waves, building sand castles, going to the playgrounds.
At least, living with my parents, I don't have to worry about bills, or rent. Though I do help to get groceries, clean the house, make meals.
I'm confused again, I'm lost again.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Project 365
I started a little project called "Project 365" (click here for details). I just wished I started at the beginning of the year rather than going back through pictures and remember what I did each day specifically.
So far I have a few days set up, still working on the other days. Sooooo without further a due, here is my project 365:
Click me!!
So far I have a few days set up, still working on the other days. Sooooo without further a due, here is my project 365:
Click me!!
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Oh look, an update ...
Yes, I figured it was about time I'd give a proper update.
I'm not even sure where to begin ... not that it's a bad thing.
Well, for one, I froze school (in which, I go back on March 3rd) due to issues with caregiver. I couldn't find a daycare for weeks, and so I missed all allowed hours + she got a really bad flu, which was conjoined with teething. Worst week ever. Fever going up and down, for days, 2 trips to the hospital. I hate seeing her sick, let alone, not being able to make her feel better. Our nights were long, she never left my arms.
She's doing great now. Growing fast, her vocabulary (understanding) is increasing:
-"hi"
-"bubye"
-"momy"
-"daddy"
-"look"
-"okay"
-"up up"
-"doggie"
-"baby"
-"bird"
-"kitty"
-"no"
-"yes"
And lately, I'd put her to down for the night in her bed. Come back, and find her asleep in mine ...
Mid January, was a sad day for me.
I was forced to moved out and back in with my parents. Which meant, getting rid of so much 'junk' - I cried. Not because of moving, but because I felt like I failed again, I failed Naima as a mother, I failed my parents as a daughter, I failed. I felt so guilty, ashamed, and crappy because I had to move back in with my parents, I guess I wasn't ready to be on my own again, yet. I am so grateful to have them. They were there when I needed them the most. I don't know what I would have done without them.
Ie: Naima throws a fit because I won't let her eat sweets before dinner. She throws herself to the floor and screams. My option: talk to her firmly to stop, and explain to her why she can't have sweets. My parents option: Run to her and "baby" her, then give her sweets.
What I'm afraid of, is when she is old enough to understand and says to me: "But grandma lets me" - it's one thing to spoil, it's another letting me be the mother of my child. All I ask is, if they want to give her something - "Let's ask mommy if you can have this ... "
I'm not asking much. I'm not saying "No, you can't spoil her!" That's what grandparents are for! But in my case, it's different, we live together, and they should be helping me, not making me look like the bad guy.
====================================
These days, Naima and I are just enjoying mother and daughter moments. The weather is helping a bit. Sunny days to come along and more fun outdoors.
I'm glad I now live in the suburban area of the city, only because, more playgrounds near by!!
Best time ever!! Especially at her age, where all they want is run around, be crazy and scream at the top of their lungs, I love this part! I am so eager for spring/summer season. Numerous trips to the playground, walks, beaches, sandcastle building etc. This year is going to be sooo much fun and I cannot wait to cherish them.
I'm not even sure where to begin ... not that it's a bad thing.
Well, for one, I froze school (in which, I go back on March 3rd) due to issues with caregiver. I couldn't find a daycare for weeks, and so I missed all allowed hours + she got a really bad flu, which was conjoined with teething. Worst week ever. Fever going up and down, for days, 2 trips to the hospital. I hate seeing her sick, let alone, not being able to make her feel better. Our nights were long, she never left my arms.
She's doing great now. Growing fast, her vocabulary (understanding) is increasing:
-"hi"
-"bubye"
-"momy"
-"daddy"
-"look"
-"okay"
-"up up"
-"doggie"
-"baby"
-"bird"
-"kitty"
-"no"
-"yes"
And lately, I'd put her to down for the night in her bed. Come back, and find her asleep in mine ...
====================================
Mid January, was a sad day for me.
I was forced to moved out and back in with my parents. Which meant, getting rid of so much 'junk' - I cried. Not because of moving, but because I felt like I failed again, I failed Naima as a mother, I failed my parents as a daughter, I failed. I felt so guilty, ashamed, and crappy because I had to move back in with my parents, I guess I wasn't ready to be on my own again, yet. I am so grateful to have them. They were there when I needed them the most. I don't know what I would have done without them.
====================================
It's been 2 weeks now. Adapting to living back at 'home' is slowly getting into place. There challenges between my parents and the ways in which I choose to raise Naima. I don't mind them spoiling her. It's just more difficult since we live in the same roof. I can only tolerate it to a certain extent.Ie: Naima throws a fit because I won't let her eat sweets before dinner. She throws herself to the floor and screams. My option: talk to her firmly to stop, and explain to her why she can't have sweets. My parents option: Run to her and "baby" her, then give her sweets.
What I'm afraid of, is when she is old enough to understand and says to me: "But grandma lets me" - it's one thing to spoil, it's another letting me be the mother of my child. All I ask is, if they want to give her something - "Let's ask mommy if you can have this ... "
I'm not asking much. I'm not saying "No, you can't spoil her!" That's what grandparents are for! But in my case, it's different, we live together, and they should be helping me, not making me look like the bad guy.
====================================
These days, Naima and I are just enjoying mother and daughter moments. The weather is helping a bit. Sunny days to come along and more fun outdoors.
I'm glad I now live in the suburban area of the city, only because, more playgrounds near by!!
Best time ever!! Especially at her age, where all they want is run around, be crazy and scream at the top of their lungs, I love this part! I am so eager for spring/summer season. Numerous trips to the playground, walks, beaches, sandcastle building etc. This year is going to be sooo much fun and I cannot wait to cherish them.
